You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
