3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
