Whatcha textin bout Willis?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The beer is more important than you right now.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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