Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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