I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
