i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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