Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
