Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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