So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize