Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
