I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I puked a lego.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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