i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
