Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just found puke in my bra..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
