You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I enjoy the company of your penis
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
