Where did you get a picture of my penis
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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