the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
How's work?
Spinning.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
