google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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