I will die if light touches me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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