What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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