He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
