Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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