I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
