He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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