Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
