I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
