she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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