i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
