and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
