so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
