Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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