Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
