I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
