As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
