I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
