You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
