I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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