1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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