I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
