why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
