I think my fart just growled at me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
