Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
