yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
