Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I wish there were birth control emojis
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
