I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
