It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
