you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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