What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
