it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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