there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
