On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize
