i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
